You gotta hate it when this happens. You’re having a party, everybody’s a little high and a little drunk, the girls a freely giving it up and the boys are willingly taking what the girls are freely delivering. Everybody’s having a damn good time and there ain’t nothing wrong with that. But there’s always the one dude who screws up everything. We all know that dude, and we wouldn’t even invite him to the party but somehow he’s intertwined in our fun because he’s bringing the liquor, or he owns the house, or he’s bringing the ladies or he’s related to somebody really cool who we think absolutely has to be at the party. I hate that dude. That dude is all up in this movie out of the UK ‘Donkey Punch’, and man does he know how to mess up a party.

Lisa (Sian Breckin) and Kim (Jamie Winstone) have dragged their flat mate Tammi (Nichola Burley) to some exotic Mediterranean location for some fun in the sun and also to help Tammi forget her boyfriend who has broken the little cutie pies heart. So while cruising the party circuit in this locale, they run into the dashingly handsome Marcus (Jay Taylor) and his disarmingly funny friend Bluey (Tom Burke), who convince the girls that the real party is back on that yacht where they should be cruising around with them and their other two buddies Sean (Robert Boulter) and his baby brother Josh (Julian Morris). Now I’m doing the simple math and that’s four dudes and three chicks but hey, I’m sure these crazy kids will make this work out some kind of way.

Now we should mention that our heart broken hottie Tammi was a little reticent getting on the boat, but these boys do look rather harmless and her horny girlfriends convince her that one has to get the getting while the getting is good, and it’s off on the high seas to have that rather sinful party that we were talking about.

So the party is going on strong and with this much drugs, alcohol and scantily clad babes floating about there’s only one place this party can ultimately go, and there it

goes in one of the more explicit mainstream sexual mêlée’s we’ve seen in recent cinema history. They even find a way to make the somewhat lopsided numbers work out, just like I knew they would, until that dude we were talking about totally ruins the party. For real.

So our crew is out in the middle of some ocean, hell if I know which one, and there’s a dead hottie in our midst. Nothing too malicious, just a little involuntary manslaughter caused by the clown who should’ve never been invited to the party in the first place, but now its time for our young party hounds to start making some really, really bad decisions on top of more really, really bad decisions.

So before I actually watched this movie I called a good friend of mine and asked him what in the hell is a ‘Donkey Punch’. Now if I were to ask this gentlemen who was the first president of the United States, he’d probably pause a while before giving me the incorrect answer, but if the question has something to do with something that nobody on earth should actually be doing, he’s the one the go to. Sure enough, he told me in explicit detail, sounding almost like an Oxford educated British Statesman, exactly what a Donkey Punch consists of. What the F**K!? Who in the hell thinks of this mess? You would think a gentleman would simply be happy just to be up in some and not feel the need to punch it real hard in the back of the neck. I tell you…

But back to ‘Donkey Punch’ the movie. I’m not quite sure what to make of this little exercise in sex and violence. Director Oliver Blackburn’s movie isn’t a bad one as it is certainly a watchable movie considering how slickly produced it seems to be, how the movie rarely rests to allow wayward minds to wander and ponder about other stuff they could be doing and especially considering all of the nasty little bits that he has strewn across its running time. But something happens somewhere along the line that causes ‘Donkey Punch’ to simply lose its way.

The lead up to the setup is great and completely believable, and the execution of the setup which leads to the thriller aspects of the film is also very good, perhaps a little out there, but like I said… I know that party screwing up sonabitch all too well. It’s when our film goes into complete thriller mode that it spirals completely out of control and lands into the realm of ‘C’mon, that wouldn’t happen’ mode. With each poor decision that our crazy kids made and the usually horrific results of these bad decisions, Blackburn and his co-writer David Bloom seemed to feel the need to up the ante so to speak to make each event even more spectacular than the last, and after a while it gets so ridiculously silly that it almost becomes funny. Which possibly could’ve been the initial design of the whole exercise for all I know. Nobody ever discusses these things with me.

However in addition to the nice job Blackburn did in directing this movie, the acting by the young pretty cast was also above average as these kids played drunk with lust and incredibly stupid just about as well as anyone could, I suppose. In a completely unrelated note, being that Jamie Winstone is actor Ray Winstone’s daughter, I’m curious how difficult it would be to watch your baby girl get buck ass naked and fake screw on the big screen for what seemed like an eternity? I would assume a father simply turns his head and tells whoever to let him know when it’s over or just take a bathroom break.

‘Donkey Punch’ is one fairly raunchy, fairly violent, completely nasty little exercise that manages to be entertaining in addition to being completely over the top in its silliness, though I wouldn’t call it the horror movie that’s it’s being advertised as. Donkey Punch. Who in the hell invented that? Was some dude getting down and thinking ‘wow, this great… but I wonder what would happen if I punched her in the back of the neck real hard’. Sheesh.