Reviewed by

Christopher Armstead

Erupting from the loins of my personal hero Nick Vallelonga comes ‘Disturbance’… or ‘Choker’ which I think is the final title of this movie though the Netflix disk I got was clearly called ‘Disturbance’ which makes a hell of a lot more sense than calling this movie ‘Choker’. I mean I guess somebody got choked in this thing, though I can’t rightfully remember, but I’m sure it’s possible. Also I believe the main villainess wore a choker, but she also wore a pair of pants and they didn’t call this movie ‘Dungarees’. Since I don’t have a degree in Hollywood marketing I have no idea what ‘Choker’ is supposed to drum up subliminally in our subconscious, but it’s still a pretty stupid ass title and we’re going to go ahead and keep calling it ‘Disturbance’, though that’s no great shakes either, but it is better than ‘Choker’.

Our film opens with convicted serial killer Hud Masters (Paul Sloan) telling a camera about what a bad person he is and how he deserves to die, and if Hud thinks he deserves to die then I’m inclined to roll with Hud’s train of thought there. Next thing we know we see Hud in a Kung Fu fight with some hot Asian chick (Kimberly Estrada) whose he ass he eventually kicks and shoves an egg down her throat which makes her choke up some green slime and then die. Ahhhh….. Thus we have the choking… I think I get it now. So Hud wastes this ho and then gets picked up by hot secret agent Logon (Colleen Porch) who works for some ‘Men in Black’ type secret agency run by one Frank Russo (Vallelonga), though Agent Logon’s only purpose seems to be driving Hud around from spot to spot so that he can stuff eggs down peoples throats and make the cough up green slime. Seems like we’re dealing with some aliens here who have touched down on our little ball in space and are spitting green slime into people’s mouths, which is way gross, and taking over their bodies. Hud is the good Cop alien, at least he is now since the Gub Ment decided to inject the good alien into the body of a soon to be executed serial killer, which we will see does have its complications.

Now these aliens don’t seem to be all that ambitious in that they don’t have any particular designs on world domination or anything and just want the occasional body to inhabit and suck the life out of, but Hud is totally not online with that program. Eventually he needs to track down the choker wearing leader of this crew (Hayley Dumond) and end the alien threat forever. But The Leader has a plan and that includes taking people hostage and sending in more kung fu fighters to take Hud down who is finding the serial killer within in slowly taking over his persona.

So why is Nick Vallelonga one of my heroes? Is it because he’s a great filmmaker? No, Mr. Vallelonga has moxie to burn but his filmmaking ability is somewhat limited. Is it because he’s a great actor? Well, no, though he is a better actor than film director. Nick Vallelonga is a hero to me because he’s 6’1" and fat, just like me, though he’s a decade up on me in years. He’s my hero because he casts the hottest women he can get his hands on to be in his movies. He’s my hero because he cast the hottest woman he could find to play the part of his wife and wrote in a love scene for himself. Awesome. He’s my hero because Mr. Vallelonga has been acting and making movies for well over twenty years with marginal success and he refuses to quit. And he’s my hero because he’s directing this new movie called ‘Stiletto’ which sounds killer, and I can’t freaking wait to see it. This is why Nick Vallelonga is a hero to me.

Unlike the soon to be released ‘Stilleto’, ‘Disturbance’ has a microscopic budget but that didn’t stop my man from trying to bring a little extra to the table. The story is bit derivative, borrowing from the 80’s camp classic ‘The Hidden’ with the whole alien slime human infestation cop chasing thing, but it is assisted by a solid hero turn from Paul Sloan as well as the previously mentioned glorious amount of hot women that Mr. Vallelonga stocked his film with… though none of them get naked which does tarnish my love for Nick just a little bit. You like Black women? We got one. You like Asians? We got one of those too. Brunettes? Blondes? Red Heads? Covered! This is why I have hopes for ‘Stiletto’ because this is a man who scrounged up a lousy 35 grand and tried to make a sci-fi alien action flick with Kung Fu fighting, special effects, hotties and bar fights. This is a man who knows what we want to see, but just didn’t have the proper resources to properly pull it off, this I’m sure of.

‘Disturbance’ wasn’t an awful film and it even had a certain amount of charm. It was a bit rough around the edges and often had trouble rising above its low budget roots but the effort was certainly there and given a chance with a few bucks to kick around, I’m pretty sure my hero, Nick Vallelonga, is going to come through for me.

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