Reviewed by

Christopher Armsted

First of all let me apologize to B-movie actress Tiffany Shepis for what I am about to say, though it’s nothing bad against the woman. It’s a compliment of sorts as a matter of fact. So I slip in this movie ‘Detour’ from our friends at The Asylum into the DVD player and am watching the opening scene as two women are driving down a desert highway talking about their wedding. They’re gay. I guess. Something hits the car causing them to veer off the road and the brunette gets out of the car to see what the hell is up. When she gets out of the car one can’t help but notice the largeness and roundness of that ass encased within those Daisy Dukes and white fishnets. I think to myself, ‘Hmm… that looks like Tiffany Shepis’ ass’. After this woman gets hacked to death by a crazed lunatic I think to myself again, ‘gee, I hope that wasn’t Tiffany Shepis’ ass’. Now I didn’t think that thought because I was sad to Tiffany bite it hard, but because if that was Tiffany Shepis, then this would mean that I recognized her ass and not her face. And even a male chauvinist like me recognizes that that just ain’t entirely cool. Admittedly, Ms. Shepis does have a glorious behind since it has obviously stuck with me in the various low bud flicks I’ve seen her in like ‘Abominable’ and ‘The Deviants’. I mean it is big and round and firm and high – though you might no be able to sit a cup on it, but I bet I could balance a shot glass on that sucker quite well. I would also bet you that songs have been written about that ass and probably more than one bar fight has broken out due to that behind. Nonetheless, I should have recognized her face first, and for that Tiffany Shepis, I apologize.

Anyway about ‘Detour’. Stop me if you’ve heard this before. A group of karazy kids are loaded up in an RV, after leaving a rave party in the desert, when one of these kids gets the bright idea of turning off the main road on their way back Los Angeles for some reason that I can’t rightly remember. Whatever the reason it was a stupid one. I mean the reason could be that there’s 80 billion in Sadam Hussein gold out here if we just get off the main road and head into parts unknown, it would still be a stupid

reason. Those karazy kids should know better. Speaking our kids, let’s meet them shall we? We have young lovers Lee (Ryan De’ Rouen) and Michelle (Jessica Osfar) who like to screw a lot, then we have hip hoppin B-boy Loopz (Aaron Bauer), next to him there is goth chick Cashie (Kelsey Wedeen). We also have the ditzy duo of Tara (Ashley Elizabeth – a likely name) who looks like she may be final girl material, and her best bud Harmony (Jill Jacobs) who also has a Shepis-esque ass, though it is much, much smaller. Finally we have the RV driver and Mr. ‘Let’s get off the highway’ in Neil (Brent Taylor).

So what would one of these movies be without the freaky out of the way gas station owner? Exactly. Meet Petey (Anthony Connell) who tries to warn the kids to get back on the freeway, but do they listen? Of course they don’t, and in no time at all the RV breaks down, kids run off to get help only to get slaughtered, lovers run off to screw only to get slaughtered and crazed cannibalistic lunatics converge on the survivors for some good fresh meat eatin’. But guess what, Joanie’s gotta gun and she knows how to use it. Eat lead you crazy cannibalistic freaks, and take another one witcha to give to your momma.

If nothing else ‘Detour’ lets you know that if you make a movie in California and you don’t have a bevy of young thin pretty girls with nice tight racks in your flick, then you aren’t really trying very hard. The girlies in this film are all pretty toasty and tragically the vast majority of their careers seemed to have begun and ended with this movie. That’s too bad because ‘Detour’ didn’t suck total ass, and that’s taking into consideration that it has erupted from the loins of The Asylum.

After Tiffany gets gutted in like the first two minutes and we meet our main victims, this movie descends into lameness as the characters dialog is lame, getting to know them is painful, their acting suspect and you’ll want to choke out out Loopz if you hear just one more ‘Yo’. But once we meet our weird gas station owner, the best weird gas station owner in recent memory by the way, and our kids get to the business of dying and then things pick up considerably. Our cannibalistic crazies aren’t all that impressive since they just look like trailer park inhabitants who haven’t bathed in a while, but they are numerous and they do some rather sick stuff. Though I wouldn’t call ‘Detour’ very scary it is pretty intense and gory and moves pretty quickly when it finally gets started. Ashley Elizabeth makes a pretty good final girl and I will assume that she is a very intelligent girl since she does gun totin’ mama much better than she does ditzy, and though Loopz is very irritating, he is consistent since he communicates in his special way from first frame to last. Once Harmony got out her short shorts and into pair of corduroys, this movie just kept getting better. Outstanding.

‘Detour’ is like five years old and for a large number of the actors and actresses in the film, this was their first and last movie, which is odd because there’s way worse out there than these guys. I’m assuming as well that detour was made before The Asylum enacted their current ‘Mockbuster’ business model which is also too bad since it looked like there was a time when they actually gave a damn. ‘Detour’ may not be the best movie ever made, but it is watchable, features the ass of Tiffany Shepis and I didn’t hate myself after viewing it. High praise indeed.

Real Time Web