It would be very easy for me to crap on this movie ‘Decadent Evil’. For starters I don’t even think it qualifies as being a movie since at the sixty six minute mark, the credits started rolling. There are episodes of Magnum P.I. that were longer than this movie. I could also mention how it seemed as if the Director of Photography lit his movie with a single sixty watt light bulb, and then draped a red cloth over that lone bulb. It has been my experience that actually being able to ‘see’ what’s going on in a movie helps the audience get into it immensely. I could also mention that the majority of the actors in ‘Decadent Evil’ seemed to struggle mightily with the whole acting craft thing, but since I really couldn’t see them all that well, I don’t think I qualify to question their skills. But I’m not going to do this because at sixty six minutes, or less even as I have found out, ‘Decadent Evil’ did have titties, and pole dancing, and horny puppets and dwarfs.

Our extended short begins with some vampire dude who locks some piano playing chick in his room while another character who we will meet later is narrating. What I have since learned is that this scene is actually lifted from the 1997 movie ‘The Vampire Journals’ as a setup for this movie. That’s cool and all, it’s just that this particular scene is about six or seven minutes long thus meaning the actual film that we are about watch has even less time devoted it. That scene is used to setup this film by describing a character from that film who left Eastern Europe so many years ago to start her own vampire family.

Now our movie starts with some dude who has dragged his girlfriend to a strip club, a club that is lit with this one lousy red cloth covered light bulb, which leads me to thinking what kind of guy wants to hang out with his girlfriend at strip club? Anyway, a young lady calling herself Spyce (Raelyn Hennessee) takes a liking to this young couple and even offers to give the reluctant young lady a free lapdance, though she

keeps her clothes on. Admittedly I don’t know much about how strip clubs operate, but I have been led to believe that strippers got naked, particularly when giving lapdances. But it WAS free so I guess the couple can’t complain too much. Spyce enjoyed this little tryst so much she invites the pair back to her gothic crib for some three way action, at least until Morella (Debra Mayer) shows up all pissed off that Spyce didn’t introduce her to her friends. For a minute it’s looking like a four-way, that is until Morella kills the couple and sucks them dry. Spyce also has a little vampire sister named Sugar (Jill Michelle) who is in love with the club D.J. Dex (Danielle Lennox), though love with humans is strictly forbidden by Morella. Thing is Dex doesn’t know his little Sugar is a vampire, at least until Ivan (Phil Fondacaro), the vampire hunting dwarf comes along and explains to him that Spyce, Sugar and Morella are blood suckers and if Morella sucks the ‘primordial blood’ of just a few more people, she’ll be like the queen of vampires… or something. And let us not forget Marvin the Horny Homunculus, a trilogy of terror looking puppet who Morella keeps in a cage as a pet as a reminder of love once lost. So our dwarf vampire hunter has to stop Morella before she becomes the queen of vampires, which I’m thinking has no effect on us in the real world, so why really bother in the first place. It’s like me trying to stop some dude from being the mayor of Istanbul.

So we have established that ‘Decadent Evil’ is a really, really short movie, and this doesn’t take in effect the real opening scene at the strip club which takes up another good six or seven minutes thus making this flick about as long as episode of ‘Good Times’. This is the reason we’re not going to trash ‘Decadent Evil’ because despite the fact that there is very little story, despite the fact that the laziness of the whole affair literally seeps through your television set and spills on the floor, there’s simply not enough here worth getting all pissed off about. Now if this flick were like a regular movie it would probably rank amongst the worst I’ve seen because of the issues we’ve mentioned already, though we did like Mr. Fondacaro in his role as the ‘dwarf Van Helsing’ as is so politically incorrectly called in this movie, and there was a wayward tittie to be found here and there. Director Charles Band has been making schlock movies since before a lot of you out there were even born, though please don’t let this be your introduction to the man’s work. Personally I’d open a can of ‘Trancers’ for some seminal Brand, but that just me.

If you have sixty or so minutes to waste, chances are you can find something better to do with your time than watch ‘Decadent Evil’, and I see that there is a ‘Decadent Evil 2’ out there which scares the hell out of me more than anything in this movie did. But I doubt you can do in anything in an hour and then tell your friends that you’d just watched a whole movie in that time. That I doubt.