Reviewed by

Christopher Armstead

What an educational experience watching this movie ‘Crazy Girls Undercover’ turned out to be. Originally airing on Showtime as what I am guessing is one of their late nite Cinemax style offerings I learned that the Crazy Girls are a real live Las Vegas act. Whether or not they are real live undercover government operatives remains up for debate but if I’m in Las Vegas and I got fifty bucks floating around I can see their show. And since the Crazy Girls really do exist and a few of them are in this movie there is a solid chance that I’m going to say a lot of really nice things about this movie in the hope that a wayward Crazy Girl might read this, grant a brother a free VIP ticket and maybe even a backstage pass. I gotta do what I gotta do. I’m sure you all understand.

Somewhere in the deserts of the Middle East in 2002, hardcore gubment agent Damon Archer (Clive Robertson) and his small crew are on the hunt against some international terrorist dude with a real long name I can’t pronounce (Jack Dimich). Agent Archer’s orders are to disable this bomb, take out any insurgents that get in the way and while he’s at it he might as well free the pretty boobalicious CIA agent being held captive in the process. This captive would be Ms. Casey (Nikki Ziering) who possesses, along with her other CIA skills, a set of stock CIA issued enhanced boobies which I believe is required equipment for all female CIA operatives after graduating from Quantico. They might’ve also wanted to teach her how not to get caught.

Anyway Damon does his thing, disables the bomb, kills up a bunch of Ay-Rabs - except the evil bomb designer for some reason - and he saves the girl who is so grateful to him that they proceed to get down in the back of the hay filled cargo truck. I should mention they were both filthy and both really could’ve used a shower. Just plain nasty is what that was. Oh, and he finds a suitcase filled a couple million bucks. How fortuitous.

Years later Damon and Casey have gone their separate ways personally but professionally they’ve started the Crazy Girls Revue with that loot they found. All of the Crazy Girls have a unique skill… that is outside of their long legs, round butts and full breasts… that have gotten them in some trouble in the past but thanks to Damon and Casey they are now using these skills for the perseverance of life, love and liberty!

For the most part Damon would prefer to chill out and manage his girls but every once in a while scurrilous CIA director Alex Walker (Al Sapienza) needs the skills that only he can provide. Seems there is a terrorist in town by the name of Marzook (Charles Fathy) who I think wants to blow up Vegas, and though he is reluctant at first, Damon’s patriotism kicks on in as he takes this clowns money in a game of cards, runs for his life, saves an endangered blonde (Simona Fusco) in the process of saving himself and now its time for the Crazy Girls to jump into action, do what they do and hopefully save Las Vegas from those evil terrorist. That is after doing their day jobs of dancing on stage naked. Super Spying may be emotionally rewarding but the pay ain’t all that great.

I’m sure even before settling down to view ‘Crazy Girls Undercover’ that we know beforehand it’s going to be completely ridiculous and you may be even be surprised to know that it even manages to surpass the levels of ridiculousness that we’ve already generously allotted for it, but they do play this thing straight. Now we could sit here all day and point out all kinds of crazy stuff in this movie such the elephant sized plot holes, the worlds most inept terrorists and a CIA as presented in this movie that we must thank GOD isn’t like our real CIA or we here in the USA would’ve been invaded and conquered many a year ago. Sure we could go in depth and examine these flaws but I’m not going to do that because that’s just counter-productive my friends. And it is possible that director Chris Langman could’ve ironed out some of these issues but then it probably would’ve been at the expense of a couple of fake sex scenes or the three or four dance numbers the Crazy Girls performed, and quite honestly that would’ve been just plain silly and dare I say… unacceptable?

No sir, we here at the FCU would much rather focus on the positives such as actress Rayma Alfred’s figure. That’s pretty damn positive right there. Or we could focus on the fact that this movie has a lot of explosions. Planes, Tanks, cars, trucks and Ay-Rabs all explode in glorious balls of flame. Or we could focus our positives on the figures of actresses Simona Fusco, Anita Motz and Eliset Lobato as these ladies bring a lot of good to the table. We might also mention that actor Charles Fathy made for one smooth, evil and incredibly well groomed bad guy as I am now on the lookout for cool ass pair of eyeglasses just like those he was sporting in this flick. And how could we forget actor Clive Robertson bringing back fond memories of Pierce Brosnan’s version of James Bond helping us forget how angry and pissed off Daniel Craig has made the super spy. We’re all about the positives here at the FCU.

Yes my friends, some may question the somewhat suspect acting ability of a few or our Crazy Girls and some may find the stock brain dead Arab terrorist an overused plot device and even somewhat offensive… but not us. For the most part. So if you are a positive person like we are here, then enjoy ‘Crazy Girls Undercover’ for the positives it offers.

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