Reviewed by

Bud Carlson

I'm not sure I'm up for writing a review for “Crank,” it’s just too hard. It was very much a genre film. It's a movie about an adrenaline junkie, that is intended to be viewed only by adrenaline junkies.  There is a certain portion of the population that think that non-stop action films are the be-all end-all for movies, and those types will love this movie. Then there’s the rest of us who hope for a little bit more.  Those people will be tremendously disappointed by this movie.

Seems that Chev Chelios (Jason Stratham) is not a nice guy, a hit-man for the mob. A while back, one of his jobs happened to cross the Asian mob, so overnight they broke into his house and injected him with a lethal serum that will kill him if his heart rate falls below a certain level. As he learns of this, he runs around like a madman (literally) to try to find the antidote to the serum, while keeping his heart rate high enough to keep him alive.  As the movie’s writer-director Brian Taylor has said “We wanted to do a movie where a guy is moving and moving all the time. Our movie is like “Speed,” only instead of a bus, it’s a guy. If the guy slows down, he detonates, just like the bus.”

The filmmakers here seem not to be big believers in the “old fashioned elements” of what makes a movie good: storytelling, plot, logic, or characterization. Instead, they treat this half-baked storyline as though it were a music video or video game.

I guess my primary complaint about the movie was that there just weren’t any characters in it. The movie was about this guy who runs around LA tearing ass (with a serious blood-lust), trying to get his hands on the guy who injected him with this serum. Are we supposed to feel bad for Chev, given that his death is so near that, no matter what, he ain’t gonna make it to lunch? Hmmmm …

Perhaps I just didn’t get it. Perhaps I missed the point, and needed to have had a few drinks before seeing it. It was, after all, 80 minutes of non-stop action, with barely a second of screen time wasted. Perhaps this was just a B-actioner at its best? One thing is for sure, however, and that’s that there aren’t many intricacies in the storyline!   

This is just one of those movies that I would not review, given the option.

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