Reviewed by
Christopher Armstead
It may be true that Toyota has taken over the automobile sales lead in from the struggling General Motors, and no one with any good sense would argue against Japan being on the bleeding edge of technological innovation in this new world that we live in, though Sony may want to cut the price of the Playstation 3 a few hundred bucks. Funny, you type Playstation in Microsoft Word, and it gets a red underline. But type Xbox and you get absolutely NO red underline in MICROSOFT word. Hmmm…. But there are still a few things that our good friends in the east could stand to learn from their brothers over here in the west. Would somebody show those cats how to PROPERLY make an exploitation film? Please? And your porn sucks too.
Last week I had the misfortune of watching what I THOUGHT was going to be some Japanese exploitation goodness with the movie ‘Ninja Vixens: Demonic Sacrifices’ Not only was it a lame movie, but it was also lame exploitation as there was virtually no nudity. What’s up with that? Well, not to be swayed from my attempts at watching some proper Japanese exploitation, Netflix was kind enough deliver the film ‘Cool Dimension’ too my door. Now with hot Japanese chicks all wearing snug, cleavage exposing vinyl, armed with Kung-Fu kicking goodness and lotsa guns, THIS was going to be the exploitation masterpiece that we’ve been waiting for out of Japan now isn’t it? Sadly no, as ‘Cool Dimension’ had even less exploitative material than even the lame Ninja Vixens. It was a better movie than Ninja Vixens though. Slightly.
When Shiori (Yoko Mitsuya) shows up at the club in her tight revealing vinyl outfit, we know that trouble is a brewing. She heads to the back of the club where some VIP is having party and she thinks she’s just going to waltz right up on in there. Well this VIP’s bodyguards don’t think so and get ready to disable our able assassin. The
Camera then pulls away as Shiori, now with hair covering her face and weighing about twenty pound less, and looking a lot like a small Japanese man in tight vinyl proceeds to kick ass. The VIP rips out his heat and tries to blast Shiori whose male doppelganger does a fancy flip and avoids the bullet. She then takes the guys hand holding the gun and pulls the trigger putting a bullet in dudes dome in a total bloodless effect. The newspapers report that this dude committed suicide, though surely somebody saw that tight red vinly wearing dude drop kicking fools didn't they?
Anyway Shiori is part of a Charlie Angelsesque assassin crew which also has sweet Mika (Mishuo Otani) and the completely out of her shit Junko (Mika Shigeizumi). We know Junko is totally crazy because she laughs hysterically then suddenly stops and looks serious, only to start laughing again, stop, and look serious again. Only crazy people do that. Our murderous angels Bosley is one Kurokawa (Kenichi Endo) who has dispatched the girls to find some guy who has incriminating evidence on a big client of the killing firm. To do this, Shiori takes a gig as a reporter to follow a young woman who is in communication with this guy, and also she finds her murderous self attracted to one of the reporters at the paper. A love that can never be. Seriously, it can never be because the filmmakers completely forgot about it. There’s treachery though as Shiori finds a snake in the ointment (YOW! Mixed metaphor like a mofo!), couple that with a desire to be free of killing people and that sappy music in the background, I sense sadness is ahead.
You see, after watching ‘Cool Dimension’ and being disappointed with the exploitation aspects, the next day I watch an extremely subpar American flick titled ‘8mm 2’. Yes, that movie was not good, but boy it certainly knew how to exploit its cast of European women. Look guys, if you really, really, really believe in your story and your skill as a filmmaker then I apologize for degrading your serious efforts at creating this tragic drama, but you may want to get on Geneon Entertainment for packaging this thing as trite exploitation because that’s what I thought I was getting.
So if I toss out the exploitation factor and examine ‘Cool Dimensions’ as a tragic drama, sadly it comes up a bit short as the narrative wasn’t constructed nearly well enough, none of the characters were explored or examined with any kind depth and the acting left much to be desired. Those dudes substituting for the chicks in the fight scenes had some sweet moves though and some of the story elements and shot selections were nice. There was one really odd sex scene that I probably have to be a native to understand, but one sex scene exploitation doesn’t make. That just makes you an episode of ‘Rescue Me’.
Yes, this was better than the terminable Ninja Vixens, but still disappointing. And not to spoil anything, but it’s not looking like there’s going to be too many sequels for this crew to improve on their exploitation skills on either. Too bad. And I will continue my search for some decent Japanese exploitation.
