A couple of years ago me and the Dream Crusher… errrr… I mean my wife were heading into a Subway for luncheon goodness when we spied a young man, who was obviously gay, with two stone cold foxes (terminology circa 1973) draped on either arm leaving the sub shop.  After they passed by I told my wife that if I were a gay dude I would cozy up to all the honey’s with a different one at my crib every night doing heaven only knows what.  This would be total cake because I’m a gay dude and they completely trust me, know what I’m saying?  My wife responded ‘Then you wouldn’t be gay.’  Wow.  She totally didn’t get that concept of this conversation.  Blew right past her.  This story came back to me while watching the very funny, if not completely original comedy ‘I Now Pronounce you Chuck and Larry’ starring Jessica Biel’s body.

Oh wait, Jessica Biel’s body doesn’t get top marquee in this flick, Adam Sandler is the star with that cat from the ‘King of Queens’ Kevin James playing Robin to his Batman as a pair of hard working New York City firemen.  Larry (James) is a widowed father of two young children, including his son Eric (Cole Morgan) who tap dances, sings show tunes and doesn’t like the Mets.  Chuck (Sandler) is the man’s man, player’s player who dates strippers, Hooter girls, drinks hard without a glass and was Mr. February in this years Men of the Backdraft pinup calendar.  Because of Larry’s refusal to come to grips with the passing of his wife three years ago he has let some details slide under the carpet as opposed to dealing with them.  One of these would be transferring the beneficiary of his pension and insurance from his late wife to his children.  Since time has run out on making this happen Larry is faced with prospect of leaving his children unprotected should something happen to him.

After a nasty accident at a fire puts Chuck and Larry in the hospital, Larry realizes that he has to quit doing the job he loves because of the danger involved and he fears leaving his kids alone, and of course there’s the pension thing.  Larry gets the bright idea though that if he marries he can change the beneficiary to his new wife and his children will be protected, but the only person Larry really trusts is Chuck and due to the new common property laws or what not Larry manages to convince Chuck that they could trick the system by just signing some papers and claiming that they are gay soul mates.  It’s all good until a city fraud investigator comes by to check on their gayness or lack thereof which forces Chuck and Larry to consult with gay rights lawyer Alex McDonough (Jessica Biel) whose unsurpassed hotness makes Chuck’s heart skip a beat or two.  As you may imagine, hilarity, hi-jinx, misunderstanding, gay bashing, and finally acceptance for who and what we are shall ensue.

We’re going to learn a new word today my friends.  Callipygian.  This is derived from the Greek meaning one has a shapely buttocks.  To use it in a sentence one could say Jessica Biel’s is quite callipygous.  You wouldn’t say Jessica Biel’s butt is quite callipygous because that would redundant as callipygous covers it completely.  This is relevant because her body is probably the most important part of ‘Chuck and Larry’ as Chuck must maintain his gayness against the onslaught of Jessica’s Alex wearing catwoman suits and walking around in her underwear, which seemed a size too small, while dripping wet, and having Chuck palm her boobies to prove to him that they are real.  Now about that, I understand that she thinks he’s gay and all and that her perfect 34C’s will have no effect on him, but one would think it is still a bit inappropriate to have some dude palm your breast, unless you plan to get down with that dude soon after the palming.  It would be like me having a lesbian pal and changing clothes in front of her to have look below the beltline and say ‘Whoa, that’s pretty amazing.’  I would respond, ‘Yeah, I get that all the time.  People seem to think it’s fake but it’s totally real.   Seriously.  Go ahead and tug on it and see for yourself.’  I’m thinking that wouldn’t happen.

Anyway with a cast that includes Ving Rhames, Rob Schneider, Richard Chamberlain, Steve Buscemi, and Dan Akroyd ‘Chuck and Larry’ succeeded in its main task which was to make me laugh.  Though they wrapped the story around homosexuality it’s still been done a thousand times before with the whole ‘You lied to me because I thought you were ___________’ place gay, a woman, a Jew, a catholic, Black, from Istanbul, an alien, my sister, or a carnie in the blank.   The movie also ran at close to two hours which is an awful lot of gay humor to endure. 

You Adam Sandler fans sure are a fickle bunch.  You guys love the man but only in a very narrow window.  If he makes any attempt to ‘act’ like in ‘Spanglish’, ‘Punch Drunk Love’ or the recent financial failure ‘Reign Over Me’ you cats avoid his work like its Chlamydia.  But let him act a fool and it’s another cool twenty five million in the bank for the man.  Rejoice because he’s acting a complete fool in this one and this movie at least is all the better for it.  I would have to ask a gay dude if he found the way the subject was handled offensive, but in final equation it was funny, and that’s good enough for me.