Reviewed by

Christopher Armstead

As of this writing Christmas is about a month away and with the coming of the holidays, in addition to newspapers bloated with advertising circulars, email boxes stuffed full ‘Cyber Monday’ deals and a whole bunch of other stuff that ain’t got jack to do with the birth of Christ also comes a slew of incredibly suspect holiday themed entertainment. This here movie ‘Christmas Town’ demonstrates quite clearly why there is a reason that Charlie Brown, the Grinch and Rudolph still rule the roost when it comes to Holiday entertainment despite the fact that these shows are almost as old as Christ himself.

The always lovely Nicole de Boer, who still looks like she’s 21 even though she’s pushing up on forty, assumes the role of hard working real estate mom Liz McCann. Even though Christmas is just a few days away Liz is a total hater and doesn’t even want to give her young son Mason (Gig Morton) a Christmas Tree. Now if Liz chose not to give Mason any Christmas goodies because of the brats behavioral problems, of which there are many starting with the bubble bath of fake snow he made in the front lawn when we first got to meet the problem child, we would be behind the girl but no, she just a hater.

Things change for Liz when she gets a call from her dad Joe (Gary Chalk) informing her that he’s quit his job as an investment banker and moved to some little town called Holly Springs or something where it’s Christmas 24-7. I don’t know if his name is really Joe or not because I forgot but I gotta call him something. Concerned about her dad and being a total hater of everything Christmas, Liz jumps into the Benzo and heads off to Christmas Town to slap some sense into the old guy. On their way to this town Liz’s bratty son thinks he sees a reindeer in the woods, jumps out of the car and runs off into these woods chasing after wild animals. See what I’m saying about this kid?

So our family makes it to Holly Springs where Liz finds her old man has giving up the lucrative trade of international banking for the job of a fry cook working for future love interest Kevin (Patrick Muldoon). Even though dad has said he’s happier than he’s ever been we’ve already established that Liz is a total hater and thus proceeds to attempt to talk her old man back into his senses, or at least have him committed if that doesn’t work. Oh would you look over there, dang if that darn kid has run off yet again, this time hanging outside the gates of something called N.P. Enterprises. So they retrieve the kid and we subsequently learn that Liz’s massive hating gene is natural because her old man used to be a total hater, all this stemming from the death of Liz’s mom. But now pops who has found the love once again thanks to the magic of Christmas Town. Oops, there goes that cursed kid running off yet again despite the fact his completely ineffective mother has warned him not to, with the kid breaking into a local garage this time. Then the kid breaks into N.P. Enterprises pretty much insuring his that the majority of life will be spent behind bars.

Assuming they retrieve this wayward child yet again, will Liz find a cure for her chronic hating? Will she find love with owner of the diner, even though the producers of this movie allowed Patrick Muldoon to do his own hair? And will Liz finally start disciplining this incredibly poorly behaved child of hers? Take a trip to Christmas Town to learn the answers to these critical questions your own self.

Maybe the real hater here is me for finding this particular Holiday movie completely abhorrent. One of the things that was missing from this movie, at least from where I was sitting, was some kind of holiday spirit. Every once in a while you saw a Christmas tree or heard some synthesized Christmas type music but the movie did feel like it took place in the middle of July which didn’t do much to lend itself to the spirit of Christmas. Maybe that’s what Christmas is like in Southern California and Florida so forgive me, but being from the north if I don’t see frost coming out people’s mouths then I don’t see Christmas. But even with the warm weather climate there just wasn’t much Christmas-like about this alleged Christmas movie.

Then you had to get past the bratty kid. I’m thinking that I’m supposed to like these characters at least a little bit but this Christmas movie is filled with haters and brats. Dennis the Menace was watching this movie thinking the character of Mason could use some behavioral adjustments with Dennis being especially upset about the fact there were no repercussion for this bratty kids crap behavior. Then there was the character of Liz that had The Grinch himself just texting me to let me know he thought that Liz needs to lighten up on being such a hater. Seriously, just got that text. Gary Chalk was pretty good as a reformed hater though but Patrick Muldoon seemed to be in the movie simply because the movie needed some dude in it.

‘Christmas Town’ is laudable, I suppose, because it doesn’t have any thing remotely objectionable in it in the way of sex, or violence or sour language, so the family can sit down and watch it and be comfortable that no one should be offended by any of the subject matter, and though it is completely lackluster in its presentation its not too terribly dull so I suspect you won’t fall asleep while watching it… though my wife did nod off, but she’ll nod off riding a roller coaster so we’re not going count that. It’s just that for a Christmas movie called ‘Christmas Town’ just doesn’t have much of a Christmas feel to it.

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