I have been slacking in my duties and as such
it has been a while since I watched some quality smut.
We do dedicate a good portion of our time here at the FCU to
watching exploitation films, but the spate of movies in the
genre we've recently seen have focused more on plot than
exploitation. The absolute nerve! Save us noted
smutty film director Chang Lee Sun! Uh… I mean Joe
D'Amato! Chang Lee Sun… seriously Joe? I mean
seriously? Regardless of all of that, Today Chang Lee
has given us his completely nonsensical, totally smutty
exploitation epic 'Chinese Kamasutra'.
Joan Parker, as played by the exquisite, lean and long legged
Georgia Emerald, is an uptight librarian in China completing
her doctoral thesis. Please note that this is Georgia
Emerald's only listed credit and while one would think that a
woman that looked like this, on top of apparently being
completely shameless, would find all kinds of work in this
genre for years to come, since this didn't happen we tend to
believe she was doing this exploitation movie to pay off some
of her old man's gambling debts. Anyway, Joan was doing
some book filing when she stumbled upon one interesting
novella calling itself the Chinese Kamasutra, filled to the
brim with amateurish drawings that basically equated to
glorified stick figures having sex. Apparently
Joan is sensitive to this kind of thing so she takes the book
home to investigate it further. Next door to Joan
is an abandoned house, allegedly, where some strange dude is
always looking out the window at her, this has Joan a little
concerned, especially since she's the only one that can see
him.
Summoned by a strange force, Joan
ventures to the house and meets this strange dude who worships
at the altar of The Large Dildo. I kid you not, this cat
prays to dildos. He has a table that a large dildo
sticks out of and quite often we'll see him sitting cross
legged while
praying on that table, but we don't see
dildo, thus we must assume the worst as to this dildos current
location. It seems in a previous life Joan belonged to
this man, but alas Joan was a bit of whore in this previous
life and was instead engaged in activity with some other guy,
who happens to look just like her colleague at the library who
also happens to lust after her.
What we will see next is Joan wearing next to nothing, being
taken to the dildo altar, then wearing nothing, then being
massaged all over by a bunch of naked Asian women, then the
weird dude showing up, then a close-up shot of a stunt
vagina. And we will repeat this process over and over
again. Until Joan comes out of her coma or whatever,
hell if I know, and starts making out with her colleague at
the library. Roll credits.
Joe… Joe… Joe… what are we ever to do with you? At this
point in the game, Joe being in the dirt for a good fourteen
years as of this writing, one would think that the man
couldn't surprise me anymore with his outright refusal to tell
a coherent story in his movies. True enough, I've seen a
number of Joe's films but this one here was even more slipshod
than most of his pure porno joints, at least as far as a
narrative is concerned.
I guess the real question is 'Should we be cueing up movies by
Chang Lee Sun in the hope of seeing some kind coherent story
telling?' Why yes, we should. I might cherish
Uncle Joe and all that he has done for us smutty cinematic
watchers over his long career, but we still can't take him off
the hook for this.
Thus in the absence of a narrative, lousy acting and horrible
voice dubbing, 'Chinese Kamasutra' seems to only exist as a
showcase for the lovely Georgia Emerald. Now in that
regard 'Chinese Kamasutra' is smashing success. Looking
at Georgia, and you will be looking at Georgia an awful lot if
you choose to watch this movie, which we can't honestly
recommend with a clear conscious, you will see one finely
sculpted, very fit, long legged, shapely woman with any
deficiencies she might've had before coming into this movie
being fixed under the scalpel of some skilled plastic
surgeon. Georgia does naked very well. Again, we
are somewhat curious why a woman who looks like this, in this
kind of movie, has this as her only role when I would think
exploitation directors of the day would be falling all over
themselves to cast her, but we will get no answers as Joe is
gone and Georgia is somewhere in hiding, hoping like hell her
kids never find this movie.
Like the amazing Sharon Leslie who was in 'Black Emanuelle 2'
and nothing else, and as bad as this movie is, and believe me
when I tell you that it is summarily, completely awful,
unfortunately if you want to see Georgia Emerald in anything
you're kind of stuck with this movie. Thus the question
is now 'How badly do you wish to see Georgia Emerald in
motion?' At your own risk my friends.
