Reviewed By

Christopher Armstead
What do we have here with this little seen film from 2001 calling itself 'Harold Robbins' Body Parts'?  Well, we have a film from New Concorde, which means it has erupted from the loins, in some form or fashion, from the legendary Roger Corman.  That pretty much tells us everything we need to know, and what we can expect.  We know it's going to be cheaply made… check.  We know it's going to be directed by somebody working for next nothing… this one directed by someone named Craig Corman who we must assume is a relative… check.  We are confident that we are going to see some nudity… check.  And lastly, we need a star who is somewhat recognizable but down on his luck.  Look over there… it's Richard Greico!  Check and Mate.  Thus you would think that with this collection of items 'Body Parts' would be terrible.  Well, it's not as I bad as I thought it was going to be.  But then I watch terrible movies for a living so take that as you will.

In Hong Kong, I think, naval officers Ty (Greico) and J.J. (Will Stewart) are riding with Ty's wife Rachel (Athena Massey) on their way to a drug deal.  Ty thinks this an awful plan, but his pal J.J. assures him the 700 large is theirs for the taking and even Rachel is on board.  Of course the double cross is on with J.J. killing the people at the drop, keeping the drugs and the money, and then plugging his best friend in the gut with a shotgun blast with his doting wife egging J.J. on.  Ty clearly has terrible taste in friends and women. 

Fortunately Ty survives, minus a kidney.  Unfortunately, he will be spending the next twenty years in a Hong Kong prison for murder.  That is until Hong Kong goes back to China, and in a show of good will, Hong Kong agrees to set American Murderers free.  Hey… I'm just telling you what they told us in regards to why Ty just walked out of jail.
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Anyway, Ty is doing pretty good.  He's back home in Cali, he has a boat and oddly enough he's not looking for revenge or nothing.  But then his wife shows up with some story how J.J., now a big time gangster, wants him dead.  Ty remembers how his wife and J.J. tried to kill him, and how she was screwing J.J., and what a duplicitous bitch she was, but we all have our faults, but still he doesn't trust her.  This is followed by somebody at a distance with a high powered rifle taking shots at the both them.  The wife recommends that Ty take a trip to the Philippines and take J.J. out first.  Sounds fishy to me, but then she hit Ty over the head with her poo, which is elongated, gratuitous sex scene #1.  This scene kind of ended with J.J. choking the shit out of her, leading us to believe Ty might have some unresolved issues with this woman.  Regardless, now Ty is on a plane to the Philippines to take J.J. out.
First thing Ty needs to do is meet his contact Lina (Teresa Loyzaga) who just happens to run a strip club.  Gratuitous titties abound.  Outstanding.  J.J. gets some info, but first he meets Inez (Joyce Jimenez) the lovely overdeveloped hooker who wears one of the more amazing hooker outfits you will ever want to see.  For the little time she's in it.  Elongated Sex scene #2 shall commence.

After all of that, finally Ty confronts J.J. and is ready to kill him.  For a naval officer, Ty sucks at shooting people who are standing right in front of him.  Now Ty is sad that he sucks, so he convinces Inez to take him home so they can have more sex.  Inez really just wants to come to America, but Ty doesn't seem to be interested in doing that.  I'm not sure why.  Ty also has more opportunities to kill J.J., but he is really, really pathetic at this. 

At this point the narrative in this movie, which was shaky from frame one, spirals completely out of control and turns into some kind of black market organ movie.  I get it's the title of the movie, but it still kind of came out of nowhere.  And the then the double cross is back on, mainly because Ty is really, really stupid, but the worst part is that the genesis behind the double cross in the first place makes absolutely no sense. 

Without spending too much time in deconstruction, 'Harold Robbins' Body Parts' is a pretty awful movie.  And as hard as I try, I can't find a book Harold Robbins wrote called 'Body Parts' anywhere, so I don't know what the hell Mr. Robbins had to do with this movie, especially considering he was long dead by the time this movie came out.  The story makes negative sense, Richard Greico, God bless him, seemed consistently annoyed to be in this movie, and he was still the best actor in the movie, the action was lame, and there was nice sheen of cheapness which covered this whole production.

But why wasn't it as bad as I thought?  Well, I pretty expected that pre-mentioned badness going in, but Craig Corman does keep this slop moving pretty fast, plus Athena Massey and Joyce Jimenez do naked really good. 

True enough, a movie constructed on a bed of complete nonsense that moves fast, coupled with a pair of women who have to search long and hard to find brassieres that fit them do not equal a good movie.  Oh hell no, because this is terrible, but we do try to err on the side of the positive over in these parts, so I'm just floating that out there.
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