Reviewed by

Christopher Armstead

Nazis… yet again… freaking Nazis. I guess I should read a book or something to see if Hitler and his crew of merry fascists were actually into the occult, because if you base your knowledge about Nazis from what we see in movies, Hitler was one just one rung below Morgan Le Fay when it came to casting spells. Today Hitler and them are remotely mucking stuff up in West Virginia, of all places, casting spells, reanimating the dead and raining hell in Joel Schumacher’s long delayed ‘Blood Creek’.

In ’36, before we went to war with them obviously, the Third Reich has dispatched psycho occultist Dr. Richard Weich (Michael Fassbender) to stay at a farm with a German family in West Viriginia. It’s complicated and all, but all of this has something to do with some ancient stones found on this farm with it all relating back to Germany eventually taking over the world via the dark sciences. Granny (Joy McBrinn) didn’t want this guy to stay there, but for 150 a month, Dad (Rainer Winkelvoss) made room for him. Guess what? Once Dr. Weich reanimated little Leise’s dead bird, followed by the girl screaming in absolute horror, they soon realize they should’ve listened to Granny.

Fast forward seventy or so years to the crap life of beaten down EMT Evan Marshall (Henry Cavill). He hates his job, and then there's his angry dad, who he tirelessly cares for while the old man is suffering from dementia, but one thing the old man does remember is that Evan is his second favorite child. The old man's favorite being Evan’s older brother and Iraq vet Victor (Dominic Purcell) who has been missing ever since he went into the woods to hunt two years ago. Evan would like everyone to move on... Victor’s wife, Victor’s kids, his dad... and recognize that Victor is dead, but they all still hold out hope.

Damn if Victor doesn’t show up in Evan’s bedroom one night looking like pure hell. Without giving baby brother any reasons, Victor tells Evan to grab the guns and the bullets because they have to make a quick trip across the river to do some killing.What?

Victor wasn’t joking because he is one angry dude. Apparently he’s been a tortured hostage for the last two years to that German family we’ve met earlier. Yes, they should be long dead by now, but they all look the same except that little Leise (Emma Booth) is no longer a little girl but an eighty year old seventeen year old. Regardless of what they might’ve done to Victor they are begging him, imploring him to leave because they did what they did to him out of necessity. So they say. Unfortunately Victor is so dead set on revenge against these people he does no such thing, and in the process he sets him free. Him being Dr. Wirth no longer looking all handsome and stuff like Michael Fassbender. No sir, Wirth is a real live, walking, talking, dead creature reanimating monster. In a sharp floor length leather coat. Nazi’s sucked ass, we all know this, but their outerwear? Best ever.

Wirth is pissed. I mean this is one angry dude and he’s going to make everybody pay. Once he gets the Third Eye. It’s complicated. It’s so complicated I don’t have a clue about what it meant. Nonetheless, NOW Victor sees the error of his ways and it’s up to he and Evan to somehow stop this crazy powerful, blood feeding, dead people reanimating supernatural beast before it gets free and rains hell on the planet earth, like the original plan called for.

I realize that Joel Schumacher isn’t the most popular film director around, in fact I have a friend who I believe wishes him dead. He’s a Batman guy. ‘Batman & Robin’. I didn’t like that movie either but I don’t wish anybody any ill will, nipples on the batsuit or not. That being said, ‘Blood Creek’ is actually pretty good, pretty brutal horror. It’s also total nonsense and borderline incomprehensible, but as far as pacing, imagery and shock value are concerned I liked what I got with this one.

From the time Victor shakes Evan out of bed, ‘Blood Creek’ is a blur of bloody mayhem, all set off by one of the more reprehensible movie villains in recent horror memory. Dr. Worth is ugly, he’s demonic, he can sprint like Carl Lewis, he’s super strong and super smart, he drinks blood like its Mike’s Hard Lemonade, he wears nice clothes, and he can create creatures that are almost as bad as he is just by uttering a few words. The only thing he can’t do is walk through a door with red paint on it. Again, it’s complicated.

Thus we have the issue with ‘Blood Creek’ in that the filmmakers pretty much expect you to just ‘accept it’. Almost none of the nonsense that’s going on this movie is adequately explained. Without getting too much into the total nonsense that is ‘Blood Creek’, like why nobody aged and so much more, I just don’t understand why they kept feeding Dr. Wirth his bloody feasts. I mean the family hated him, and I imagine if they stopped feeding him blood he’d eventually die, but then they would die too I guess. But considering they’ve spent the last seventy plus years on a farm win WVA without the ability to go anywhere, death seems like a welcome option to me at that point. That’s just one little thing of the litany of unexplained, ignored phenomena that was going on in this movie. I guess one of the reasons this movie was so long delayed in getting released was that screenwriter David Kajganic was highly upset with what Schumacher and co. did to his once lucid screenplay, but considering most movies make very little sense nowadays, and I bet almost all screenplays at one point covered all the dots until they went into production, this seems to just be the way the business operates.

On visceral level however, ‘Blood Creek’ is a rapidly moving success. That’s a complete narrative boondoggle. Give and take my friends, give and take.

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