Reviewed by

Christopher Armstead

Oh ‘Blood Car’ what a bad movie you are.  I don’t mean bad as in lacking quality entertainment value because ‘Blood Car’ sure was funny and was about as subversive as they come, and I’m all about subversion, but bad as in misbehaving.  Bad bad movie.  ‘Blood Car’ is filled with moments that you kind of wish you weren’t actually laughing at because, well, you just shouldn’t laugh at some of that stuff.  But what are you gonna do?

Archie (Mike Brune) is a vegetable exclusive eating, PITA worshiping, Green Peace subscribing, green through and through Kindergarten teacher.  In his spare time Archie stops by a vegetable stand which is run by the completely adorable Lorraine who we can safely say has an fairly unhealthy lust for Archie – for whatever reason – and wheat grass.  Lorraine is played by Anna Chlumsky who you may remember from those ‘My Girl’ movies, and though she’s like close to thirty, it is still a little uncomfortable watching her as a normal lustful woman with boobies and stuff because those movies tend to keep you eight-years-old forever.  Unless you just go off the deep end to blow that image away, say like Christina Ricci.  Anyway, Archie is working on a special engine that works on this wheat grass because in this future, two weeks in the future we are told, a barrel of crude is over 300 dollars and a gallon of gas will run you 32 bucks.  Because of this nobody drives anymore.  Not even truckers.  After yet another failed attempt to make his engine work Archie slams his fist down and drips a few drops of blood in his mix and like magic, his engine starts.  Archie has retrofitted his Honda Civic with his new engine and now he’s like one of the two or three people in the country actually driving a car which makes him real popular.  Two problems for Archie though, his engine only works with human blood, and his engine doesn’t need the wheat grass at all to work properly.

This probably wouldn’t be much of problem for the wimpy vegan but the gloriously slutty Denise, who runs the ‘Meat’ stand across from the ‘Veggie’ stand where Archie buys his wheat grass, is so impressed that somebody has a car that she introduces Archie to a world of lurid wonders that he, or any other man not in the porno industry has ever experienced.  Now Archie is willing to do ANYTHING to keep his car running and has fit a rudimentary meat cutting factory in his trunk as he has resorted to serial killing in order to keep his dates with awesomely slutty Denise.  Archie’s work isn’t lost on the Gub-Ment however as they keep close tabs on Archie and his work in hopes of getting the blood fueled engine in their own corrupt hands.  But Archie is pretty much single minded of focus in his unshakable desire for the pleasures of the flesh, and one must wonder how much in ‘acceptable losses’ the Gub-Ment is willing to accept before they leave this wacky vegan be.

Let me give you an example.  When Archie picks up the legless war vet and tosses his reluctant ass in the trunk and yells at him for ‘Not Following Orders’, that stuff shouldn’t be funny.  Or  while watching the car jacking, hostile profane black guy, I didn’t know whether to be offended or to laugh, though I think both occurred.  And putting a gun to the head of a kindergarten student and pulling the trigger shouldn’t be funny either.  Actually that wasn’t funny and writer / director Alex Orr probably crossed the line on that one – a line that kept getting pushed further and further back.  I suppose it’s all good though because under all of the carnage and bloodshed and mayhem and chaos is basically a message decrying our reliance on foreign oil.  I think.

Though the message may be construed as heavy handed, there is a lot real clever dialog nuggets littered throughout ‘Blood Car’ which goes far beyond the in your face slapstick humor, and this is what makes this film kind of special.  It’s fairly obvious that none of the players are taking themselves too terribly serious and are having a lot fun with this film and their enjoyment, as sick as it may be at times, is somewhat infectious.

So also note that this film, just like the last movie I just reviewed ‘The Other Side’, was also filmed in Atlanta with a microscopic budget.  25 large for this one compared to the 15 large for ‘The Other Side’.  ‘The Other Side’ is much better movie and they put their loot to better use, but ‘Blood Car’ was still a lot of fun.  It seems if you want to make a movie and have no money and are an actor not too terribly interested in getting paid, then the ATL is the place to be baby.  I got my ticket, get yours.

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