Vivica A. Fox is one fine looking woman.  Tall and pretty with big brown eyes and a figure that could stop air traffic.  My ten-year-old son is totally smitten with the girl.  That show that’s on Lifetime?  Missing I think it’s called?  He checks the TV guide just so he won’t miss it.  At least I hope that’s why he watching the Lifetime Network.  The boy also loves movies.  Even the worst flick will keep him glued to the set.  In the time I’ve known the boy, which is, of course, his whole life, he’s only walked out of two movies.  Bad Boys II, and now, Blast.  So he’d leave the room to do something more entertaining than watching Blast, like watching the paint flake off the wall and call in every once in awhile to ask me if Vivica was back on the screen.  I’d respond with an enthusiastic ‘YES’ to get him running back in the room, only to be disappointed to see little Eddie Griffin and littler Breckin Meyer doing what they do poorly.  He’d leave the room all pissed off, but I’ll be damned if I have watch this crap all by myself.

Eddie Is Lamont Dixon, A former naval officer, turned disturbed firefighter turned wisecracking tugboat operator who’s taking care of the six-year-old kid of his dead fire-fighting partner.  It’s Christmastime and Dixon and his tugboat crew have to drag a tanker out to sea amid the protest of these damned seal-loving environmentalist.  The leader of the group, Michael Kittridge (Snatch’s Vinnie Jones) manages to finagle his way on the tanker along with a bunch of his terrorist buddies.   One of these is a wannabe under cover FBI agent played by Clueless’ Breckin Meyer.  Vivica Fox shows up as a remote FBI agent monitoring the terrorist situation.  Thus the wily Dixon is forced to save his kidnapped adopted son, the hostages, and thwart the evil terrorist awful plans.

 Hey, if it looks like Die Hard, tastes like Die Hard and smells like Die Hard then gosh darnit, it’s Die Hard!  But on a boat!  But wasn’t Under Siege Die Hard on a boat?  Or was that Speed 2 that was Die hard on a boat?  Oh who knows.  For an action film this one was kinda boring.  The setup was slow and tedious, and when the action finally started in, it lacked any kind of spark.  With the exception of Under Cover Brother and his Concert Film, Dysfunktional Family, I just don’t find Eddie Griffin very funny.  Come to think of it, Dave Chappelle was the funny one in Under Cover Brother.  And since Eddie is the sole comic relief in this ‘action comedy’ it comes up short in both action and comedy.  But when you think about it, Damon Wayans and Chris Rock actually are funny, but they sure do make some awful movies.  Quick, name Damon Wayans best movie.  I’m gonna say Major Payne.  I think I’m going to examine the career of Damon Wayans in a future FCU article. 

Anyway, forgive me for rambling, there’s really not much more to say.  Blast is better than Double Take, which also has Vivica in it, but probably not as good as an episode of Malcolm and Eddie.