I have seen my fair share of these Black Emanuelle movies which I think is bordering on obsession because it’s not like any of these movies are actually any good, but I noticed I had a glaring omission in my collection in that I had yet to see the one that started it all, that being this movie right here, ‘Black Emanuelle’, the original, the movie that introduced the ridiculously beautiful and boney assed Laura Gemser to the world. As it turns out I wasn’t missing much in this one, directed by Bitto Albertini going by the non de plume of Albert Thomas in this film. Thank goodness Joe D’Amato got ahold of this series and ‘massaged’ the character and redefined Emanuelle because I doubt very seriously I could’ve ever become obsessed with this.

Recognize that this movie is devoid of any kind of plot but we will soldier on. What has remained is that Emanuelle, who apparently has the last name of Jordan in this movie I think, is still a hard hitting photo journalist. However, saying that Emanuelle ‘lacks focus’ when it comes to her job would be a gross understatement. More on that a little later. When we first meet Emanuelle she is on a flight to Nairobi Kenya to do some work where she observes a couple making out that gets her all worked up and then she meets a missionary who offers her a cigarette. And that’s it. Problems are presenting themselves almost immediately because the Emanuelle that I know would’ve done that guy right there, no questions asked.

Eventually Emanuelle lands in Nairobi where she meets her contact Ann (Karin Schubert) and her husband Gianni (Angelo Infanti) who I guess are having some marital issues. Part of these issues could stem from the fact Ann likes to have random sex with gas station attendants while Gianni has random sex with anybody who’s not Ann. Ann’s true love seems to be Kenyan Professor Kamau (Don Powell) but she’s not doing him. I don’t know why she’s not doing this guy considering she has no problem dropping it for gas station attendants but as this movie goes on we find its best not to ask these questions.

Emanuelle for her part seems to have a jones for Ann’s husband Gianni but Emanuelle in this movie, for lack of a better word, is a cock-tease. She comes on to the guy then pushes him away, rubs on the guy in the shower then walks off and all kinds of

nonsense… My Emanuelle would never be cruel like that. I did kind of enjoy that whack tennis match where Emanuelle was basically playing in her panties, which she normally doesn’t wear, and a crew neck sweater. I would suggest in the future that Emanuelle wear a bra in her tennis matches because while she is rail thin, she’s far from flat-chested so a little support may be in order.

Ah but she is here to take pictures of Kenya. Hopefully these pictures aren’t critical to somebody’s publication. You see Emanuelle always starts to do her job but it only takes seconds before she gets horny, puts down her camera and has to screw somebody. Three photo shoots we saw her try and start to take pictures and all three times she got horny and had to screw. Not only is she the worst photojournalist ever, she’s the worst employee ever.

I guess for some reason Gianni falls in love with Emanuelle but is so frustrated with her and her shenanigans, he calls her a tramp… but then he adjust that and calls her a whore. No Gianni, she’s a tramp. Whores charge for their services.

With her job now complete, even though I don’t think she took nearly enough pictures to warrant flying her over there, but having squarely ruined the lives of everybody else in this movie, Emanuelle breaks out of there, catches a train and then gets gang raped by a soccer team. Or gang banged. Maybe. Who knows. Believe me, by the time you get to this point if you make it to this point you will have long stop caring.

I feel kind of bad and even a little dirty saying that I miss the ping pong balls, horse masturbation, zombies and cannibals eating severed titties, but I miss the ping pong balls, horse masturbation, zombies and cannibals eating severed titties. I don’t think at any given time did D’Amato and those who would follow him ever once thought they were creating ‘erotica’. No sir, they were making pure exploitation sleaze. Salvador Dali over here on the other hand was creating ‘art’ without any of the necessary tools. Stiff acting, poor cinematography, absolute no storyline and a myriad of cinematic crimes we won’t mention usually don’t fly when one is creating art. The late D’Amato on the other hand took these same blunt, unrefined tools and found a use for them. No, none of those movies were really any good either but they didn’t insult me for trying to front for something they were not and could never be.

The one good thing about this movie is when Emanuelle said her last statement to Gianni to the effect that ‘Men can have my body but they cannot possess my mind’. And from that point on a legend was created and Emanuelle Jordan (?) would become the tramp that we will all cherish and love though she cannot love us back. Terrible movie this ‘Black Emanuelle’ on so many levels, but if you watch ‘Black Emanuelle’ movies you are almost forced to suffer through it.