Reviewed by

Christopher Armstead

There’s no accounting for taste, my late mother used tell me, so this makes it fairly easy to explain me sitting in my living room and watching some guy named Artie Lange stumble his way through some completely tasteless movie calling itself ‘Beer League’ and laughing at pretty much most of this movie throughout it’s relatively brief duration.

This Artie Lange, I’m told, is some cat who is on the Howard Stern show, and considering I’ve never seen or heard a single second of Mr. Sterns show, I will go ahead assume that to be true.    Anyway, Lange plays Artie DeVanzo, a slacker, loser, Beer swilling New York Yankee lover who lives with his mom and can only bed a woman after she’s had too much to drink.  The time of year has rolled around for the annual softball league which Artie and his lovable gang of losers perpetually suck at.  The team is headed by Artie’s best friend Maz (The legendary Ralph Macchio) who is preparing to marry his long time girlfriend Gina, who hates Artie, and is none too happy that Arties is slated to be best man.  Artie’s arch nemesis is Dennis Manganelli (Anthony Desando) who thumps Artie at everything and has done so their entire lives.  Finally though, Artie has his chance because if their rag tag team of Softball miscreants can beat Manganelli’s fine oiled machine of softball gods, then Manganelli’s team will have to depart the league and Artie will finally have his day in the sun.

Whilst watching ‘Beer League’ it would seem that even though there is a credited screen writer, this thing basically writes itself.  It just flows from one joke gag to next, not really attempting to bridge the stories in anyway shape or form, but hell, the gags

were funny for the most part so who am I to complain.  I truly admire the man attempts to make a cinematic comedy because who the hell knows how it’s going to turn out.  The abysmal spoof ‘Date Movie’ won my award for the worst film of 2006, soundly beating out such horrid fare as ‘Basic Instinct 2’ and ‘Van Wilder 2’.  But ‘The Naked Gun’ which was a spoof just as silly as ‘Date Movie’ is but probably, in my opinion at least, is the funniest movie ever made.  Enrico Palazzo?  Please!  But ‘Beer League’ manages to be just tasteless enough, and just funny enough to keep my interest.  Who doesn’t like to laugh? 

Aesthetically speaking, I mean this is still a film right? Director Frank Sebastianio utilizes the ‘sit the camera down and let it run’ technique of filmmaking, and though it may not be the most skillful exercise of cinematic achievement, it’s quite functional for the subject matter.  The movie also features popular porn star Keisha as a lady serves up batting practice with ping pong balls at the bachelor party.  Truthfully, Keisha was a popular Porn star back in the 80’s, so I don’t what’s more disturbing, watching a 40+ year old still working, well past her prime porn star, or the fact I recognized who she was without the assistance of end credits.

Kudos to the late Seymour Cassel as Dirt who uttered one of the funniest lines I’ve ever heard in cinema, and honestly, where can you see a movie that has the star of the ‘Karate Kid’ AND ‘Sodomania: Slop Shots 11’ in the same film.  If you aren’t looking for the next ‘English Patient’ and you have aren’t the sensitive type then allow me to recommend ‘Beer League’ to you.

It has been bought to my attention that as of this writing, Seymour Cassel is not dead.  My bad Mr. Cassel.

Real Time Web