Reviewed By

Christopher Armstead
Back in the day, like 1 B.C. or something, there was a snake with little bitty arms, that spits paralyzing acid, that uses its diamond eye to turn people into silica statues, that used to terrorize the citizenry of the desert.  Fortunately it's the eclipse and my main man The Wise Old Dude has the staff of Medusa and flips the script on that beast, turning it into a silica statue.  The 'Basilisk: The Serpent King' will terrorize us never again.

And by 'Never Again' we mean not for the next ten minutes.  Back to the present we meet stalwart archeologist Dr. Harry McCall (Jeremy London) who has made the most amazing find.  One being the Staff of Medusa.  Another being amazingly intricate silica statues created long before anybody was making statues of such detail, with all of these statues howling in agonizing pain.  But the Coup de Grace is a super large Silica dragon with itty bitty arms.  Whoever created this marvel of ancient sculpture was really on their A+ Game.  Time to drag this thing back to Sophia Bulgaria, today doubling as Pueblo Colorado, and have a big shindig at the University Gallery, and let's make it so that it coincides with a Solar Eclipse.  Outstanding.

Guess what?  It's totally not a sculpture, it's a monster.  The eclipse hits, the Eye of Medusa lights up, and the suspended monster starts to defrost.   Apparently this happens in Pueblo Colorado a lot because all the party goers just stood there looking at the defrosting monster, until it started eating them and spitting on them and stuff.

Now the fun really starts.  Dr. Harry has made the acquaintance of a new colleague, the worlds hottest pseudo archeologist with a concentration on mystical studies, Dr. Rachel (Wendy Carter).  This has nothing to do with anything, but Rachel showed
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up at this party sporting a tight black dress five inches above the knee, with a twelve inch slit going up the side.  That's also outstanding, albeit wildly inappropriate for the occasion.  Anyway, this monster is eating and spitting, Harry and Rachel are trapped in a sewer, the monster has already eaten one of his grad assistants in the lovely Sierra (Sarah Skeeters), but she only got eaten because she was trying to wrest the Eye of Medusa from the scurrilous Miss Hannah, as played by FCU favorite Yancy Butler, which means scenery is about to get chewed up like a square of Laffy Taffy.  Miss Hannah knows the Eye of the Medusa is the key to untold treasures, but it's also the key to stopping the Basilisk.  

The situation for Harry and Rachel and the Planet Earth is dire.  The Basilisk must be stopped, and it's pregnant.  Hell if we know who knocked it up.  One surviving grad assistant (Griff Furst) is trying to find a solution in the lab, one incompetent National Guard leader (Cleavant Derricks) is trying to find a solution in the field, and one nutty chick in a tight red dress is scooting around town carrying a eight foot staff trying to find the treasure.  Plus this staff is a Basilisk magnet.  Even though it can kill it.  The Basilisk is dumb.  What we need is a substitute solar eclipse since the next one isn't happening for another 40 years, the staff and a nuclear power plant.  How this all works, beats me.  I just know it's gonna work. 

Can one seriously crap on a movie that is directed by Stephen Furst, has one of his sons as a principle performer in Griff and another providing the musical score in Nathan?  Of course you can, pretty easily actually, we're just not going to do it here because we are Pro-Family at the FCU.  That's not say that if you didn't care for 'Basilisk: The Serpent King' that you hate families… but you probably do.

Yes, this is a Sci-Fi Channel original and yes, it does suffer from a lot of the Sci-Fi channel shortcomings such as the occasional suspect special effect and a storyline that wings it from time to time, but this one is actually kind of fun.  For starters this movie goes from 'opening credits' to 'Basilisk spitting on suckaz' in no time flat, leaving silly stuff like character development on the cutting room floor and that was awesome.  Then there's the Yancy Butler effect which we have already established easily adds two points, if you were to rate your movies from 1 to 10, to almost any production.  Ms. Butler routinely elevates fours to sixes with her steely blue eyes, wry sense of humor, and her trademark scene stealing by chewing it up and spitting it out.    Then there was the Basilisk itself which in addition to looking pretty good, at least when it wasn't next to a human actor, was also a death dealing fool.  It would spit on you, eat you, knock you into next Tuesday with its tail, turn you into stone, steal your nachos and it even rubbed one brother to death.  Just rubbed him into a bloody pulp.   It never used those itty bitty arms though.  And though we'd prefer our monster movies not to rely too much on comedy, like this one did, but considering there was no chance in Hades that a spitting lizard with tiny arms was going to be all that scary, the comedy aspects weren't all that bad. 

Of course the disclaimer is that if you don't routinely watch these kinds of movies then there's little chance that you will enjoy this movie, but if you do watch these kinds movies, there's still a good chance you won't like 'Basilisk: The Serpent King'… though it should be a Queen since it's pregnant and stuff… but there's less of chance you won't like it. 
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