Reviewed by

Christopher Armstead

The slinky Asian chick (Tiffany Yee) walks into the office building, asks for a pair of scissors, takes a seat and begins using these scissors to cut off her three inch nails.  Sheís going to be shooting people in the face in a couple of minutes and I guess Lee Press-Onís get in the way.  I was thinking she couldíve done this before she got there, but Iím no professional assassin so what do I know?  Soon the slinky Asian chick will be joined by some other Asian dudes, in particular the ultra cool Mr. Kim (Min-su Choi), and they will go about the process of casually murdering receptionists, accountants and mail boys in slow motion.  How do know I Mr. Kim is cool?  Because he wears sunglasses, a Fedora and most importantly he wears his coat over his shoulders.  All the Damn Time.  At no point does he put his arms through the sleeves of his coat.  Thatís something only cool people can do.  Also, Tiffany Yee, the slinky Asian Chick?  She was some kind Ms. Fitness USA a few years ago.  However director Lawrence Riggins had her wear a business suit throughout this entire movie.  Personally, I donít see the point of casting Ms. Fitness in your movie if weíre not going to be privy to see how fit she is.  This, among other reasons, is why this movie ĎAssassinís Codeí was absolutely awful.

Next weíre introduced Paul Thorn (Julian Lee), a damaged ex-super agent ex-badass who mopes a lot.  Heís sad because some years back he killed his wife in a car accident while rummaging through her purse looking for his blow.  Never drive and look for blow.  Lesson learned.  Heís soon visited by an old friend (Christopher Atkins) who talks to him about old times and something he has to do later in the evening.  While they were talking in the park they were gawking at some woman stretching, who could very well be the current Ms. Fitness USA.  Regardless, his old friend would like him to come along and have his back.  Thorn declines.  The friendís fate is sealed.

Later that night the friend shows up at Thornís crib all shot up, and passes Thorn a hard drive.  Now weíre going to compress what happens next to make it sound exciting, even though itís not.  Itís the opposite of exciting.  Some agents are following this guy, Thorn lays them to waste, Thorn picks up a hot nurse (Jessica Rizo) and holds her hostage for no particular reason I could tell, takes the hard drive to his good friend Arlo (John

Savage), more agents show up and get wasted, they talk to some other agent dude (Martin Kove) who works for some guy played by Richard Moll, Thorn then hooks up with the FBI dude (Kirk Baltz), Arlo is charged with keeping an eye on the nurse, he sucks at this, Mr. Kim shows back up to torment Thorn because he has the Hard Drive, he gets the hard drive and still torments Thorn.  I donít exactly know why and he still wonít put his arms through his coat, then some other stuff happens that I donít really understand.  I should understand it because the movie isnít all that complex and itís moving so slow it could be going in reverse, but at some point I clocked out.  Until Selma started walking around naked.  Roll the credits.

So about SelmaÖ played by actress Christine Whitney.  Or at least I guess sheís an actress, but this is listed as her only role ever, though we certainly hopes she gets more work.  Selma is Mr. Kimís girlfriend and even though sheís a mature woman, she is lovely and possesses gigantic bosoms.  She doesnít seem to have much bottom to balance out those boobs, but sheís heavy up top thatís for sure.  Now we were thinking that the reason for casting this lady in this movie was for her to get naked at some point, but ĎAssassinís Codeí just wasnít that kind of movie so I didnít know how they were going to squeeze that in.  They found a way.  Thatís commendable.  I wish we had more we could recommend about ĎAssassinís Codeí but thatís about all we got.

Taking into consideration that ĎAssassinís Codeí is a lower budgeted film and thereís only so much you can do, action wise, in regards to a lower budgeted film, but this movie is done in by the fact that it moves way too slowly.  Star Julian Lee isnít really helping matters all that much as he isnít, to be kind, the most dynamic action hero around.  My man also carries one expression throughout the entire movie, and while that worked wonders for Clint Eastwood, it didnít have the same effect for Mr. Lee, possibly because that one expression was depressed disinterest.  Plus he was an action hero who walked everywhere.  I know walking is good for you, but when your best friend is being murderized by your enemy, if my man had some wheels, as opposed to footing it, he mightíve been able to save him.

The movie isnít a complete loss however, mainly due to Min-su Choi because the man does have a presence about him.  He too had one expression in this movie, but it seemed to work better for him for whatever reason and without a doubt ĎAssassinís Codeí was always better when he was on screen, he just wasnít on screen enough. 

We wish we had better news for you, and we did want to like this movie because low budget action performed by a laundry list B-movie all-stars always works for me, but ĎAssassinís Codeí left the oven still needing a lot more work.

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