Know what's embarrassing? Sitting
around, minding your own damn business watching the bad movies
that we like to watch when somebody walks in and asks 'whatcha
watching?', and you have to say 'Asian School Girls'.
Which then has to be followed up with, 'It's not what it
sounds like'. Yes, it's exploitative trash, but it's
really just a bad action movie and not some kind of strange,
fetish softcore porno flick. Now, thinking about it,
that might've have been a better approach to this.
Hannah (Sam Aotaki), May (Catherine Hyein Kim), Vivian (Minnie
Scarlet) and Suzy (Belle Hengsathorn) are your four average
hot Asian high school students in their mid-twenties who for
some reason wear Asian schoolgirl fetish wear to their school,
even though it doesn't look like anybody else does. Odd.
Anyway, Vivian, who is trouble if there ever was trouble, has
rounded up some fake ID's for her girls so they can go
clubbing this evening. So our girls get all dressed up
in their slut gear, and off they go… we could point out that
these grown women playing high school chicks look way more
slutty in their fetish schoolgirl outfits than their tight,
sexy dresses… but we won't.
So you know the routine, underage girls see cute guy, cute guy
takes them to an out of the way party, girls get drugged,
girls get gang raped, girls then get thrown out into the
street all used up and stuff. Now our girls weren't
happy with this situation, went to the cops and stuff and
talked to Jack the tough cop (Andray Johnson), but no
satisfaction is coming their way and they seemed to resolve
themselves to the fact they got gang raped and thrown off to
the side of the street. So they've decided to move
on. Except for Suzy who was saving herself for that
special person. Oh well.
Now our girls are going get revenge, but to
do that they need weapons. But they have no money for
weapons. What's a hot high Asian school chick gonna do
to get money? Why strip of course, silly. Come on
now. At first they were all reticent and stuff, but then
Vivian decided to do an audition. Not saying much about
anything, but after watching Vivian's audition, I'm thinking
that actress Minnie Scarlet has done this kind of work at some
point in her young life. Extensively. The kid
might weigh all of 80 pounds, but she does things with that 80
pounds that are fairly amazing.
Regardless of all of that, now our girls have their weapons
and now it's time for some revenge. And more stripping
of course. Supplementing their college funds is the
reason they gave. Now people of suspect constitution are
turning up dead and tough cop Jack needs to know who is doing
it. The only info he has on these killers is that they
are young, hot, Asian females and that there are three of
them. Jack is baffled at who could be doing this,
despite the fact that three young, hot Asian females who just
got gang raped where his office a couple of days ago.
Jack says he knows they are amateurs so it won't be long until
he catches them. Jack, brother, I afraid the only
amateur seems to be you.
Problem is that this gang rape thing goes way deeper than
girls could ever have dreamed, and they are in way over their
heads and it's looking like it's all she wrote… until
something completely ridiculous happens and they are all
good. I guess.
Okay… 'Asian School Girls' is a terrible movie. It
really is awful. The acting is generally atrocious, the
concept of the narrative is insane, the pacing is erratic and
the action sequences are mostly laughable. Eventually
I'm going qualify this awfulness with some positives, but
continuing on the road of awfulness… is drugging underage
girls so they can be gang raped really a viable business
model? Seems like that would be way more trouble than
it's worth to me. This is an awful, awful movie on so
many levels… it's almost unbelievable.
But just because 'Asian School Girls' is terrible, doesn't
mean that it is unwatchable. I mean it can be at times,
but there is some magic here. About the time one of
girls 'accidently' shot that guy in the temple and the other
one 'accidentally' stabbed the other guy in the neck, the
movie started to get really funny. Where else can three
high school chicks, in the span of two weeks, go from short
plaid skirts to trained strippers / weapons experts / lethal
killers / martial artists? It's an evolution unlike one
I've ever seen in cinema. And if a bad dude has you and
your BFF locked in a cage, about to have you subjected to gang
rape for the rest of your lives… what do you and your BFF
do? If you said make out… then you deserve a red
star! It is the logical thing to do in that
situation. And Andray Johnson was in this movie and we
love actor Andray Johnson here at the FCU as he plays a
variation of his cop character in a vast number of these
Asylum movies. The scariest part… or most awesome part
of this movie, depending on where you sit, is that at the end
there's the threat that there may be more of these with tough
cop Jack acting as Charlie to his three Asian Angels.
Would I watch this movie? Well, it would help if they
brought the actress that played Suzy back to life because she
was pretty freaking hot… but probably.
Believe me… 'Asian School Girls' is awful. 'Asian School
Girls 2', if such a monster happens, will probably be worse,
and I can't recommend that anybody go see this… but again, we
do search for the positive in these things.