Reviewed by

Christopher Armstead

Do you good people out there have any idea how bad a movie has to be to go up in the Garbage Corner of this rarely visited website? It is a rare feat to accomplish because it has to meet a certain level of ineptitude that most movies simply aren’t willing or able to dedicate themselves to achieving. A film has to do more than just suck, it has to suck HARD. It has to make you want to turn it off and do something else. Say like paint the kitchen or exercise or do a toothpick inventory. Anything. In the three or so years this site has been up only maybe a dozen or so movies have been Garbage Corner worthy because believe me when I tell you it brings us no joy in trashing a movie for we know that somebody worked hard to make it and many of us sacrificed the time to watch it. I was truly feeling really bad for ‘Kiss of the Vampire’ because it was looking like it was going to be stuck up there in the corner forever, and I was even contemplating switching it back with Garbage Corner fave ‘Voodoo Lagoon’ but fortunately, or unfortunately this will not be necessary thanks to ‘Are You Scared 2’.

So I am not completely certain what this movie is about but from what I can gather some young adults are on some kind of super duper scavenger hunt which requires them to drive all over the U.S. to get some kind of grand prize. Kind of like the ‘Great Race’ or something. I think this is being broadcast live over the internet. Our kids destined for peril include the studly Andrew (Chad Guerrero) the girl he won’t marry Taryn (Andrea Monier), the geeky Dallas (Tristan Wright) and the hot chick who is not Dallas’ girlfriend in Reese (Kathy Gardiner). Kathy Gardiner has double duty in this film as she seems to be part Asian thus making her a minority and therefore destined for death in this flick AND she’s also the ‘WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE’ guy in this movie.

In between watching our kids drive in Reese’s car and talk about virtually nothing of substance there are the interspersed scenes of chase and torture of other unnamed characters all overseen by some dude in a video control center played by the legendary

Tony Todd. Through dumb luck, chance, or circumstance of this game they are playing... I’m not sure… our kids stumble upon the dilapidated mansion of this Controller, somehow get knocked unconscious and then find themselves on the run from a couple of crazy dudes who are trying to kill them. And I think that’s pretty much it.

Just so you know off the bat that this movie has absolutely nothing to do with the first ‘Are You Scared’. I was curious upon looking at the title why anyone would sequelize ‘Are You Scared’ in the first place but I guess that particular Straight to DVD movie was successful enough to tack the title on to this completely unrelated flick. And as bad as ‘Are You Scared’ might’ve been it looks like freaking ‘Goodfellas’ compared to this. Allow me to begin by telling you the good things about this movie. First off all of the actresses in this film look great and have really, really nice breasts. We know this because they all dress a bit inappropriately for what they are supposed to be doing and they all show a lot of cleavage. No nudity, but a lot of cleavage. A couple of problems with this though. There’s no nudity but I’ll bet my last bottom dollar that the filmmakers made these actresses, and any other woman who showed up to the casting call, flash their titties to these guys. Where I come from we call that some selfish ass shit right there. The other problem with this casting technique is that it appears our filmmakers apparently made their final casting choices based on cup size alone. Nothing but love, but the nice racks my girls possessed could not distract us from the fact that they simply cannot act. At least not yet. As we have said on numerous occasions you can learn how to act but I don’t think those titties are going to get any nicer. Another good thing about the movie is that actor Chad Guerrero has to be on of the most athletic dudes on the planet because watching this cat jump and leap over cars and whatnot was something to see. That lasted about 40 seconds.

The rest of the movie consists of us watching our main characters who can’t act do nothing even remotely interesting or exciting. When we got tired of watching them do nothing worthwhile we were privileged to watch Tony Todd watch our characters do nothing worthwhile. Eventually it seemed that Tony Todd’s character got tired of watching them do nothing so we got to watch him while he pulled out his Etch-a-Sketch. Seriously, he pulled out his mutha fuckin’ Etch-a-Sketch. Worst still is that apparently Tony Todd has never touched an Etch-a-Sketch before that particular day. Worst Etch-a-Sketch artist ever. But obviously learning how to Etch-a-Sketch was more fun to his character than torturing these youths. Too bad this Controller couldn’t looks through the TV screen because he would’ve gotten a real big kick out of how he was torturing my stupid ass.

Recognizing that simply putting Tony Todd somewhere in your movie usually gets a pass from me should warn you enough about what you’re getting into if you choose to travel down this dusty road. Unless you’re into hot chicks keeping their clothes on or watching tall Black guys not know how to use an Etch-a-Sketch you might want to let ‘Are You Scared 2’ walk on by.

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