Reviewed by
Christopher Armstead
This film from director Eric Amadio is not really a movie but a series as disconnected shorts featuring a diverse group of people just after they’ve finished up doing the nasty. As such the film really can’t be taken on the whole since there is no whole as far as I can tell, and each little vignette must be examined separately.
Christopher (Marc Blucas) and Leslie (Charity Shea) have just finished up playing the happy dance – we’re going to try to find as many ways possible to use euphemisms for the sexual act – and then retreat into some banal conversation. Christopher is an egotist and Leslie is something else along those same lines. Christopher proclaims that Leslie ‘has feelings’ for him which she denies. Perhaps I’m out of touch but if you have sex with somebody on a regular basis, and it seems as if this couple are in what appears to be a monogamous relationship, then I would think that it’s a given that these two people ‘have feelings’ for each other. But I would be mistaken because judging from Amadio’s writing ‘having feelings’ means ‘in love’ and that’s what these two argue about trying to figure out who’s in love with whom. I could care less.
Freddy (Tanc Shade) has just finished blowing the ass out of Jay (Noel Fisher). Noel is a college frat boy who is ‘confused’ about his sexuality and Freddy likes to go around un-confusing college frat boys. Allow me to assist Jay, or any young man, in bringing some clarity to their lives. If you’re a guy and you willingly take a dick in the ass, you’re gay. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, but just an old man trying help you move forward with your life with that niggling question of sexuality out of the way. Jay however is all upset and in an argument he calls Freddy a ‘faggot’. This young man has just volunteered to have his ass blown out and he has the nerve to call somebody else a ‘fag’. Oh my. Freddy is the compassionate sort and tells Jay a couple of stories which seems to put Jay at ease a bit, though he is still confused. Freddy asks him if he wants to try again, Jay says yes. The confusion is why is the young man is confused.
Gene (John Witherspoon) has just finished the blowing the back out his wife Trudy (Jeanette O’Conner) in a public park. This pair of ancient relics reminisce about the old days of the sixties free love, swapping and ‘fisting’. Good Lord. They muse about wondering if their children know how freaky they are. Let’s hope not. I personally could care less.
Sam (Dave Franco) and Kristy (Natalie Marston) have just finished sacrificing their cherries to each other. I think they’re supposed to be in high school. They talk about some stuff that I think the screenwriter thinks high schoolers might talk about after they finish screwing. I have my doubts. I could care less.
Kat (Zoe Saldana) has just finished munching on Nikki’s (Mila Kunis) furpie (how tasteless was that?). College roomies, Nikki warns Kat not to fall in love with her. They talk about some stuff with Nikki asking her roommate does pussy taste like potatoes. As the only lesbian vignette in the film, it plays into the male fantasy of lesbianism in which two INSANELY hot women play in world without boys, and you’d be hard pressed to find anybody hotter than Zoe Saldana with Ms. Kunis being right up there with that goddess. They talks about some stuff ending with a digital insertion and taste test in a public library, which is probably against the law. I would like to say I could care less, but that would be a lie.
Neil (Timm Sharp) is rockstar who has just finished drilling Football Coach Bob (James DeBello) a new asshole. Unlike our gay college boy, these two aren’t the least bit confused about anything and we’ll go ahead and move on to David (Keir O’Donnel) who has just knocked off his ex-girlfriend Jordy (Emmanuel Chiriqui). Jordy is love with some other guy which begs the question why is she sexing up her ex-boyfriend, who by his own admission is a womanizing asshole. He wants to know, we want know, but alas the only one of the tales that could possibly offer some insight into anything fails to do so, leaving us to care little about what they have to say.
Lastly we have Marco (Jose Pablo Cantillo) who has just rocked the world of Allana (Tarryn Manning) in a rooftop one night stand. Admittedly, I’ve led a bit of a sheltered life, but after a one-night stand do people actually sit around and talk about stuff or do they just get there clothes on and go? Hell, these two didn’t even take off their clothes and just unzipped enough so their privates could peek out and get the job done. You will care the least about what these two have to say, though I’ve seen Jose Pablo Cantillo in enough stuff to say the kid can act.
I’m not quite sure Amadio was trying to accomplish with these vignettes but it didn’t seem to have much impactful to say about sex or relationships as far as I could tell. The dialog didn’t have an authentic feel and situations were contrived for the most part. But it is short and it is sordid without having any nudity, except the occasional male ass, and more than one dude wearing really tight whitey tighties. Personally, I could have gone without seeing ‘After Sex’, but this is maybe something that somebody else can relate to. But I sure hope not.
