Reviewed by

Christopher Armstead

Oh the Sci-Fi channel and their movie premieres.  I make it point to watch these things people, and I do it because I love you like you were my own children.  Today family, we are examining the Sci-Fi Networks ‘Abominable’.  Though it’s no Mansquito, it’s far better than a lot of the fare that’s branded as Sci-Fi originals.  I’d even go so far that this is the best Big Foot movie of ALL-TIME!!!

An eclectic mix of ‘Rear Window’ meets a crazed ‘Mighty Joe Young’, 'Abominable' starts with an introduction to Preston Rogers.  Preston recently suffered a tragic mountain climbing accident that claimed the life of his wife and left him permanently wheelchair bound.  His therapist has sent him back to his old home along with his borderline sadistic health care giver, to finally rid himself of his demons.  Soon, four total hotties appear in the cabin next door ready to celebrate one of their friends last weekend of freedom before she get married.  After a big phone pole is knocked down taking out the phone lines, Preston becomes suspicious.  He pulls out his high-powered binoculars and decides to keep an eye on things.  When one of the hotties suddenly disappears while talking outside on her cell phone, Preston knows that there’s some form of chicanery going on here!  He tells his care giver that there’s a monster out there, who of course doesn’t believe him, He tries to warn the three remaining hotties, but when you see a crippled dude looking through your windows with high powered binoculars, you tend to not want hear what he has to say.  He sends an email to the yokel cops, but they don’t believe him either.  He’d call someone, but the phone lines are dead.  Yes, Preston has high speed Internet, but he has no cell phone.

Our man abominable is totally tripping now.  He’s devoured some farm animals, eaten a bunch of hunters, he’s partially eaten the missing hottie, and now he’s ready to eat the remaining hotties and the crippled dude.  By the time folks decide to start listening to Preston, it’s a little too late.  Abominable is on a freakin’ rampage!

First time director Ryan Shifrin, son of legendary musician Lalo Shifrin (Mission Impossible theme) who also provides the outstanding score, does the best with what he is given to work with.  The movie is paced surprisingly well, is acted well by the familiar, if non-famous cast, and is brimming with tension because you don’t know when abominable is going to pop up.  Sadly, when abominable does pop up, Abominable displays it’s biggest weakness.  I will say I am glad they didn’t resort to any cheesy CG creatures such as in the Sci-Fi original ‘Mammoth’, but boy did they make abominable looks stupid.  It looks as if he was actually modeled after the Abominable Snow Monster from the Rudolph TV show back in the day.  You know, kind of goofy with that constipated look on his face all the time?  But you gotta love a scene where one hottie, in a fit of rage, throws a drink in another hotties face.  What’s a wet hottie to do?  Why take a shower of course!  Finally, a director that gets it!  Abominable is waiting to kill her, but at least he does wait until she gets all nekkid and wet first.  Dirty ass monster.

Let’s not forget the gore!  Heads get bitten in half, soft necks gets shredded, hunters get gutted and girlies get stomped on like spiders, all with the requisite blood splatter.  Near the end, the movie totally runs out of gas and sputters to the finish line as most horror oriented movies do, but this one was quite a lot fun to watch on the half tank it did have.

And for the Sci-Fi network, that’s pretty darned good.

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