Reviewed by

Christopher Armstead

Well… um, there you go. I don’t know what to tell you about this little movie ‘18 year old Virgin’ from our favorite Straight to DVD studio The Asylum. I mean… damn… this was kinda out there. I know what I’m about to propose isn’t going to happen because as long as there are going to be movies there are going to be teen sex comedies, but this one here, ‘18 Year old virgin’, I’m thinking closes the book on the teen sex comedy. Not because its best teen sex comedy ever made, but of the one’s I’ve seen… and I’ve seen my fair share… this is probably the raunchiest. That ‘UNRATED’ tag they stick on the box covers of all those lame ass comedies that we watch may actually mean something with this one. And this was directed by a woman?

‘18 Year old Virgin’ centers around the characters of Katie (Olivia Alaina May) and Spencer (Todd Leigh) who are both graduating seniors getting ready for their respective summers and are both 18 year old virgins. In the opening dream sequence for both characters Katie dreams of getting deflowered by her hunky blond classmate Ryan (Dustin Harnish) whom she has determined is her soul mate while Spencer dreams of Katie. Spencer’s dream in particular was quite explicit as Katie disrobed dropped on the boy cowgirl style and then started whispering some the most foul stuff that you would probably ever hear out the mouth of an alleged virgin. But sadly for Spencer, it is all just a dream.

From there Katie hooks up with her best friend, the oversexed Rose (Laura Walsh), who has taken it upon herself to help the uptight but brilliant Katie loosen up by buying her some sexy clothes and having her attend the big ‘schools out’ party later that night and finally lose her accursed virginity to the boy she’s been lusting after since the sixth grade. The problem with that is Ryan apparently doesn’t have sexual relations with virgins. Allrighty then. Now what? Well lets see if we can find a boy, any boy, at this party who would be willing to cure Katie so that she can the proceed to have sex with Ryan, which should make for one busy night for Katie.

One would think that a reasonably good looking, large breasted, slightly inebriated 18-year old girl wouldn’t have that much trouble finding someone willing to have sex with her, but you would be thinking wrong. Spencer tries but little willy wouldn’t allow it to happen, numerous other boys do give it a shot but circumstance or fate intervenes. Rose even tries to make Katie’s relatively large set of breast appear even bigger, but alas to no avail. With the night coming to a close and Ryan leaving for the summer before heading off to college with Katie probably never getting to see her imagined soul mate ever again, it’s looking like the poor girl will die a frustrated virgin. That is until the magical truth is revealed.

So what exactly might you be looking for in a teen sex comedy? At least outside of comedy. Not that ‘18 Year Old Virgin’ is devoid of humor but it’s not nearly as funny as I think it would’ve liked to have been. You want nudity? My goodness do we have plenty of that. I think I know Olivia Alaina May so intimately that I feel bad that she hasn’t seen me naked. Plus the young woman does have some pretty feet. Not that I have a foot fetish or anything. But not only does our good girl get plenty nekkid and sport a merkin but there’s full frontal all around from girls and boys alike. You like looking at men’s asses? We got that too. Simulated Sex? Group Sex? Tantric Sex? A little girl on girl, a little boy on boy, a little S&M? It is all here. Anything that is reasonably socially acceptable, and we’re talking about the exclusion of bestiality and people who like to play with urine and fecal matter, was inserted into director Tamara Olson’s film.

So we’ve established that this is one hell of risqué adventure but all the raunch in the world doesn’t a good movie make. If this were the case ‘Barely Legal: Anal Assault’ would be on everybody’s top ten list. Note: I don’t know if that’s a real movie title or not, just made it up. So even though I don’t know if I’d go so far as to call ‘18 Year old Virgin’ a ‘good movie’ it sure is one I had no trouble watching all the way through. The acting by the cast of unknowns was admirable, especially considering they had to do a lot of this acting engaged in some rather precarious situations. Though the movie was no knee-slapper it did have it’s occasional moment of comedic inspiration and while we recognize that the narrative wasn’t the most original story ever told it did move along its rails fast enough to keep me from being bored. The only thing I would suggest to Ms. Olson about her movie, while recognizing that it was plenty exploitative as it was, personally I would’ve exploited actress Karmen Morales a whole lot more. A whole lot more. That’s the auteur in me coming out.

You have been warned so don’t blame me if you watch this flick and find it bunches up your panties. It’s probably not a good movie in the grand scheme of things but at long last ‘UNRATED’ has some freaking meaning.

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